Here it is, my first blog post. *sweats nervously*
I’m not going to lie, at first I was completely at loss about what to write about. I just obsessed over the idea of what people would want to read. In the end I just thought; screw it, I would just try and put into words one of the many strange, and sometimes philosophical thoughts that daily pass through my brain.
For me, life had always be an anticipation. I never lived in the present. Instead, I obsessed over the future, planning it all out. I always wanted to be one year older than I already was. I guess I just presumed that future me would be happier, perhaps she could actually manage to get her shit together. Despite all this meticulous planning however, the year would pass by and I was still as lost as I had been 365 days earlier. The future was suddenly the present and the whole process would start all over; what would life be like next year when I’m seventeen/ eighteen/ nineteen?
The worst part was, I didn’t even realise I was doing it. It took some one to actually point it out to me and say “None of us have any control over our future so just enjoy the present”. (Isn’t it ironic how sometimes to most obvious things aren’t so …. obvious?) It honestly was only then that I realised what I had been doing. In my anticipation of the future, I forgot what time really mattered. I know I wasted many weeks and months with these pointless thoughts, but now all that matters is that I’m present. I’m here. Am I happier? Yes. Have I managed to get my shit together? Definitely not. I guess I try to live in the moment, learning who I am now rather than trying to decide who I will be. Of course I still think about the future, it’s important to, but I’ve come to accept that life can only be enjoyed by living it, not simply planning it.
I’m not going to wait around any more. I’m going to take every opportunity I get and live today. A blog was something I always told myself I would start in a few years, but today I decided what am I waiting for? Go for it.