The summer of 2014 wasn’t easy for me, it was like the culmination of all my problems. But when I started college in September I slowly felt like things were getting better. This feeling of contentment continued until May. I became a much better version of myself, someone I could actually like. I thought I had overcome everything that had happened the previous summer.
Unfortunately old habits die hard.
College is over and I have moved back home. It turns out I never got over the things that happened that summer, I was just able to suppress them through distance and dissociation. But I’m home now and I can no longer put that distance between myself and my problems. I feel an uncomfortable sense of déjà vu as the summer begins to repeat itself once more. The places, the people, everything is the same. I was only fooling myself by thinking things had changed.
Running away doesn’t get rid of your problems, it only helps you escape them for a while. I’ve found myself back to square one, living with my old habits I thought had died almost a year ago.
I won’t, however, let this become an annual thing. I can’t.
When something is wrong in our lives we have to work on changing it as soon as possible. Problems just don’t go away on their own. Yes old habits die hard but they can go away. It’s just up to you to do something about them, because they can’t ‘die’ on their own. Gandhi said “be the change you want to see in the world”, I say “be the change you want to see in yourself”.