The river sang its song to me
That old melancholic, hypnotic tune.
It whispered to me through wild winds down cobbled streets.
I was numb.
I couldn’t feel my body so I let the song guide me.
I walked until my feet stood just above the humming river
– the fastest flowing through a city in Europe –
It gushed its water with more violence than the song suggested
I stood looking down
Thinking too hard, yet not really thinking at all.
I thought about how it must be cold outside
– though not as cold as the water –
But I could not feel it.
I hadn’t felt anything in so long.
This song was the first thing to permeate this black shroud
That I was already suffocating under.
The water began to foam where it slapped the rocks.
I listened to the hum of peace
Playing with the idea that swam in my mind.
But I am not a musician – this was a tune I could not play.
This reality was not melodic.
It was painful, it was permanent.
Nobody wanted to hear this song.
This was a reality that extended outside of my own mind.
So I blocked my ears
And walked away into the empty silence.
I put on a dress.
I put on a smile.
And tried to dance to a different song.