I want to move through this life with elegant ease
No longer stumbling on my too small feet,
Poised and graceful, comfortable inside this scarred skin.
I want to have the confidence and self-assurance I see in others
Who laugh loudly in their groups of friends
Knowing everyone in the room wants them there.
I want to be able to enjoy one-on-one company
Instead of stressing about how boring I can be,
Convincing myself you just want to stand up and leave the room.
I want to know how to fall in love
To stop finding temporary comforts in others
Who don’t really care about me anyway.
I want to stop being a burden
An inconvenience who requires too much attention,
A person who is willing to manipulate to get what she wants.
I want to no longer be afraid of myself
Of sleep and nightmares and feeling like I cannot breathe,
I don’t want to hurt myself and others anymore.
I want to move through this life with simple ease
A happy mind, body and soul,
Finally someone who doesn’t find smiling painful.
I want to be somebody other than me.