“why aren’t you smiling”
He asks as he leans back from his seat in front of me on the bus.
I think it’s almost midnight, I should be at home.
I look at him like he’s stupid,
Raising his hands he pleads he meant no harm,
But I’ve lost interest in what’s outside the window.
“do you have a boyfriend”
He types into his phone before passing it to me.
I tell him yes, he tells me I’m lying.
He tries to kiss me,
Offended when I coldly reject his drunken advance.
“you don’t look like you’re having a good time”
He says as he slides closer to me on the couch.
The problem solver then asks me to smile for him.
I shoot a toothless grin,
It’s the politest way of saying fuck off that I can think of.
“give us a smile, darling”
He leers as I try to brush past him
He makes kissing noises at me,
Thinks its ok to call me darling
And asks what else my mouth can do.
I don’t smile for the rest of the day.
“do you have a smile for me?”
He asks as he sways in front of me.
I’ve never met him before.
My frown deepens but he doesn’t stop.
So I walk away,
And he curses me as I do.
“you’re a really lovely girl”
He says as we sit side by side in the garden.
I think this is going well,
Until he follows with obscenities.
Yet he is the one left in shock,
When I pour his drink over him.
“you should smile more often”
He tells me, thinking this is great, unheard of advice.
I don’t tell him I already know how to fake enthusiasm,
That I know to how smile at the right times,
That I know how to pretend I’m having fun.
And only when I’m vulnerable I drop the act.