In January, I wore a plaster of Paris on my foot, the result of stupidity, stress and a lack of sleep. I was literally stumbling through life but I managed to laugh a lot.
In February, I stood on a stage and poured my heart out. My dad cried for the first time in 14 years and I wondered if I had made the right decision.
In March, I sought acceptance in people that I could not give myself, getting close to others just to be pushed away. I struggled to see the point of my life and I cried a lot.
In April, I tried dating people I did not like in hope that maybe I could. I also realised that no matter what I do, I will not be good enough for some people.I wondered if I could finish college. I was still crying a lot.
In May, I swam in the Atlantic Ocean and cried and laughed saying goodbye to friends as I prepared to move back home for 8 months. I wondered if I was happy.
In June, I started a new job and learning how to drive as I began to see my life outside of college. I laughed a lot.
In July, I joined friends in celebrating Limerick Pride. I drank too much and cried too much. I felt lost and alone no matter where I went.
In August, I spent my happiest day of the year in Galway, feeling satisfied with life for the first time in a long time. I laughed a lot.
In September, I travelled to Spain with all of my family and there were times where I struggled with my feelings toward myself. I could not stop crying as I kept repeating old mistakes.
In October, I turned 20 and I tried to embrace my life more. I didn’t want to worry so much about other people’s opinions. So I laughed a lot, feeling free and confident in the person I have become.
In November, I began to make plans to move to the Netherlands, feeling both apprehensive and excited but ready for something new. I neither laughed nor cried.
In December, I witnessed grief no person my age should ever have to experience and everything that happened suddenly felt irrelevant. I was not the only person crying.
So I counted down into 2017 with my parents, so grateful for all that I had.