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The trouble with being yourself

When you accept you’ll never be good enough, give up trying and be yourself:

Write badly, start and restart poetry, neglect and forget and then self-publish whatever you have left onto a blog for a snippet of praise

Take mediocre pictures of your mediocre face and tell yourself you’re pretty

Be a bitch and gossip about that girl you once considered a friend

Live in your self-created loneliness because this way you cannot disappoint anyone

Sleep until 2 because you had a panic attack at 3am and convince yourself that you are fine

Take on jobs you are not qualified for, making promises you cannot fulfil and always remember to smile

Deal with stress by crying in the toilets again, sitting on the filthy floor again, wondering how you forgot to breathe again

Detach yourself from ideologies that are suffocating you and watch as the faithful lose their faith in you

Be angry at gross injustices in the world and write about them from the comfort of your own room

Grow reckless with age, forgetting you’re supposed to start maturing in your twenties

Fall asleep with your self-pity or with that guy who was only ever supposed to be your friend

Be afraid of your thoughts, be cruel to yourself and others

Make your mother cry, your father shout, and never become someone your brother and sister can look up to

Fall in and out of love like it’s a fashion trend and make the people you leave behind wish they never met you

Get drunk and kiss a guy you do not like and never tell the guy you do like how you really feel.

Lead numerous guys on simply because you crave the attention

Flirting shamelessly and shamefully

And when you have sex for the first time, think “I guess that’s what all the fuss is about”

And if, god-forbid, the guy tries to tell you he loves you, respond with “no you don’t” when you really mean “trust me you don’t want to”

Panic at the thought of anything new and stable in your life

Trying so hard to appear calm even though there are explosions happening inside of you

Suppress the daily urge to grab people by the shoulders and beg them “what the fuck do you want from me?!”

Go to sleep. Wake up. Go to sleep. Wake up. Go to sleep. Wake up. Go to sleep. Wonder if you will ever wake up.

Be dissatisfied and disappointed but never let either show, don’t burden others with the burden that is you

Paint your face but stop painting your personality

Accept yourself for who are and all the ugliness that comes with it.

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8 thoughts on “The trouble with being yourself

    1. In a way that’s the message I’m trying to convey here. Amongst many things, we are always told to be ourselves but a lot of us don’t like who that person is. We can’t always meet peoples expectations of us. This post is a criticism of the more negative aspects of my personality that come out when I’m not trying to impress people.

      Liked by 1 person

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